Good Lord, My Stomach Can't Take This...

February 8, and the countdown clock in my head has 3 timers running simultaneously:

1. 19 days until my rank list for residency must be submitted

TICK!!!!

2. 6 weeks until Match Day

TOCK!!!

3. 3 months until Graduation

TICK!!!

(4. 14 shifts in my upcoming ED rotation)

(TOCK!!!)

To be quite honest, it's enough to make one sick. The notion the my simple actions in the next 2 weeks could potentially dictate my fate for the next 5-7 years. Or the reality that my fate could well be decided in the next 6 weeks....

Up until this point, things were simple: Show up, do your work, try hard (and in some cases, coast and accept the consequences). In all that, it was well-defined in terms of what the next day, week, or month would bring.

Now, not-so-much.

I look at my list (in Excel, of course. I reined in my Obsessive-Compulsive tendencies well enough to avoid making a Filemaker database), and....
I wonder what those programs think of me.
I wonder if I'd do well there.
I wonder if my listing is the smartest one, or if there is some magical algorithm that represents the best approach.

I wonder if I made the right decision.

Perhaps, I'll wake up tomorrow and be fine, and realize that this was just the sleep deprivation talking.

Perhaps, I'll simply need to accept that there is only so much that a man can do, and complete my list and certify it, sitting tight until late March.

Either way, I've got to keep moving.

Because it doesn't matter where I go.... I'll have to be ready to move.